Sunday, September 6, 2015

The Nineties Paged


Liv: Mom- look! Its fruit loops. We have to have those!
Me: Why. Fruit loops are annoying. They always dry to the side of the bowl and are impossible to wash
Liv: because Shaq is on the box
Me: really? Shaq. Do you even know who that is?
Liv: no. But he looks cool.
Me: I will buy you these. But I am also making you watch Kazaam when we get home.

Lately it seems like things that were left in another time have suddenly made reappearance. I am talking about the nineties. The decade that I went from a shy awkward forth grader to a ready-to-take on-the-world (or at least Y2K) college student. Every generation has that decade, the one where everything changed. For me that is the nineties. Suddenly, I can relate to how my parents felt when I started wearing bell-bottoms and tie-dyes. I am pretty sure adulthood begins the moment you sympathize with your parents, so I guess I am finally growing up. Childhood: we have officially come to the end of the road. (And I can’t let go. Its unnatural, you belong to me and I belong to you….) If having a thirteen year old daughter is one constant reminder of what it was like to be thirteen then having these trinkets of my formative years around is meant to take me back to those years so I can relate to what she is going through

I should have started off by saying that I am obsessed with these little nineties novelties that keep trickling back into my world. A quick peek on the Urban Outfitters web page is a flash back to the issues of "Seventeen" I had taped all over my walls. Plaid, chunky heels, high wasted light jeans, Keds, Birkenstocks, Doc Martins, mauve, baby doll dresses, Nirvana Ts - it is a 90s bubble bursting all around and somehow they fit perfectly into mom life. What is the best kind of purse for wearing a baby? A backpack purse of course; coupled with a hip belt. (What the kids are calling a fanny pack these days) And the jeans. Call them what you want, slim high wasted, high rise skinnies, extra high rise; they are fucking mom jeans. Delivered straight to us from the cast of 90210 and I need to figure out how to wear them to cover my stay-puffed post baby mom bod. I love heels. Some days more than my kids. Heels are sexy and make me feel amazing and skinny. But they dont always fit into hard core momming. So I got the anti-heel, the thing deflates any shoe boner; a pair of Birkenstocks. Don’t get me wrong, they are like walking in heaven but they are rather clunky. Luckily they are  festival sheik for the summer so watch out Coachella..here come the Taylors.  Grunge may be the best friend of mom bod. Overalls- perfect for hiding that extra layer of fat that forms around the belly. Plaid shirts- loose and no clingy. Bonus: wrap them around the waist to cover muffin top. Head to toe black: could there be a more slimming color? (Insert chandler Bing voice).

Me: is that kid wearing a Nirvana shirt?
Layla: yeah. Lots of kids have that shirt
Me: do you even know who Nirvana is?
Layla: (snickers) one of the teachers asked a kid that. He bet that kid couldn’t name five Nirvana songs.

I look at my kids and their smartphones and their insta-duck faces and wonder how our lives would be if we had all this futuristic technology. Don’t get me wrong, I had the ultimate of 1996 technology..the pager. It was the original text message machine. How else can you send your friends a message to call you back..911 911; or just send the word “boobs” all in numbers 80085. Nothing says serious relationship like 143 (I love you) or tells all your friends you are ready to “relax” - 420. For $5 a month, I looked just like a doctor or a drug dealer. Not to mention I did my part in keeping the payphone industry going as long as I could. Looking back, it is probably best I didn't own a smart phone in high school. (insert selfie of me drinking a Jack Daniel's cooler, sporting the bleach blonde  Rachel and a belly shirt and extra wide JNCO cords flashing an extra white girl "West Side" sign)

Does anyone else feel nostalgic for the CD? And not the actual medium itself. All of mine skipped ; probably because I had the portable CD hookup in my car so every time I hit a bump it would advance to the next song or create an instant remix. But I used to actually listen to my CDs. From beginning to end. Now I buy single songs here and there or listen to some mix that was created especially for me because I like some other song. I have “Dark Side of the Moon” on my phone. If I listen to the album it will shuffle by default. Has anyone else ever listened to “Dark Side of the Moon” on shuffle? It’s just not the same. And what about "Jagged Little Pill"? Can you even find the hidden track by downloading the album, or is the only way to find that little secret gem to wait twelve minutes after the CD is over? I rediscovered the beauty of listening to whole albums the way I used to when I would buy a brand new CD.  I guess I am even in a hurry to get through my music so much that I don’t hear everything and am really missing out. If the CD is a metaphor for my modern life, then I need to slow down and experience a whole album the way the artist intended. No shuffle, no single download.

Layla: I love these jeans. Look at this fun new print
Me: That is called stone wash.
Layla: really?
Me: yes, that’s the kind of jeans we wore when I  was a kid.
Layla: oh wow. Lemme guess, you are going to tell me how you feel old? 

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