Monday, February 27, 2012

You Can't Always Get What You Want


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And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singin', 'We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't, we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse'
The Rolling Stones


What I want is a Monday that doesn't make me cry. At least my outfit was an easy choice. I love this shirt from the Limited I got a month or so ago. The blue and green primary color stripes make it casual but the great cut makes it fun to dress up. I couldn't resist a couple pops of color including my purple Coach pumps and the beautiful turquoise and gold necklace/bracelet set Josh got me for Valentines day. I have been pretty into the primary color trend lately..pulling greens and reds into my everyday.  I have made it almost a week with out shopping, and I have to say Monday is the hardest day to get through with a merchandise treat.

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Shirt: The Limited
Pants: Express
Bracelet/Necklace: TJ Maxx (gift)
Shoes: Coach (via Ebay)
Sunglasses: XOXO (via Burlington Coat Factory)



I am at summer camp. Perhaps a grown up version of my former child. It is breakfast time..bacon, eggs, toast. The picnic tables are crowded with fellow campers. I see familiar faces of family and friends in mixed company of their former and current selves. My grandpa is much younger and walking around ready to grab our noses. My sister is a young child and is playing with her look alike daughter. My husband is there with his current bald head with our children. Layla is younger, maybe five or six and Olivia is a baby. I pack my plate full of breakfast essentials. Ketchup goes on the hash browns, Tabasco over my eggs and butter on my toast. I have my egg cooked sunny side up so a little of the yoke seeps out ready to be sponged up by the toast. I have one link of sausage and two crisp strips of bacon. My stomach is rumbling as I balance my plate, napkins and fork and find a seat. There is a spot on the bench next to my cousin at her mid twenties self and my dad..freshly mulleted from the mid nineties. I set my plate down..ready to devour the breakfast. I realize that I forgot to grab my juice. I need some fresh squeezed orange juice to wash down the grease and butter. I got up and walked over to an area where people were getting drinks. There were a few faces I didn't recognize and for a minute I had a feeling of uncertainty about these strangers. I kept my eyes fixed on a particular man..he was skinny with a couple teeth missing. He looked angry. I quickly poured my juice and returned to my seat. To my surprise, there was a large woman sitting there. She looked at me with taunting eyes as I realized my plate was missing. My buttered toast..my ketsup and hash browns, my runny eggs..all missing. "That was my seat." I said. "Move your feet, loose your seat." She replied in a child's voice. "Where is my food?" I asked. She shrugged with a Cheshire grin on her face.

Clearly this was a dream. I woke up with such tantrum like anger that it seemed to consume my morning. I was so mad that this big bully woman had stolen my seat and my breakfast. In the dream I pouted and huffed off to my little tent where I refused to eat. My little hunger strike only hurt one person. No one else at the campsite was hungry. I always tell my girls that there is no point in throwing a tantrum...you never get what you want. No one likes a spoiled brat. But, lately I feel like I just want to throw an all out tantrum. Unfortunately I have little control over what happens to me sometimes, like I am trapped in my own life. All the bullies around me have stolen my seat and throw out my breakfast. By feeling sorry for myself, I am on a useless hunger strike. As adults, we can't just cry and pout when things don't go our way. We are told to "suck it up" and "get over it". Wouldn't it be funny if you could just throw yourself on the floor when someone was mean to you? I remember when I was a kid throwing one of my (famously epic) tantrums. My mom just sang that Rolling Stones song "you can't always get what you want". That made me angrier and I said that song was stupid. Wouldn't you know it is one of my favorite songs now? When I am having one of those days where people are throwing away my breakfast all around then I just like to sing the words and feel a little better. "You can't always get what you want..you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find, you get what you need."

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