Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Cage

"I'm standing on a stage. Of fear and self-doubt. It's a hollow play. But they'll clap anyway"
-The Arcade Fire

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There are those days when I feel like my physical and mental state are not at all inline. I will look at people at times and wonder where they are in their creative process. I wonder if they are deep in tuned with their process or at the part when they are not at all inline. Some days you feel like you are stuck in a cage. Something is containing you. Maybe the key is near, but your arm doesn't quite reach. Life is keeping you stuck inside of yourself like a cage. Maybe there is something from your past that has become shackled to your leg and is slowing your stride. Maybe self doubt has kept you from even wanting to leave the house. The cage can be anything we trap ourselves in.


I guess tonight I am getting a case of Sunday anxiety. The end of one thing and the beginning of the next can be both enlightening and terrifying. The holidays are around the corner and the end of another year. What part of the creative process have I accomplished? Am still stuck in the cage of fear and self doubt? Or have I taken that step forward. There is this part of the daily rut that can really trap us. Self doubt can really trap us. Can I be always destined to fail? Or have I not even started the race. Some days I feel quirky and individual...others I feel like a joke that has no punch line.


I usually don't like to use this space to be sad or to vent, but as I sit here on a cold Sunday night, I feel some pressure coming my way. Maybe it is pressure to be something better than I have ever been. Maybe it the pressure to get out of the cage I have created for myself. Maybe it is the pressure to contain the chaos around me. Does anyone else get Migraines? I feel like the pressure of migraines building in my chest and head. The head wants something the heart can't always deliver. I can feel some pressure building a cage around me. The world is spinning too fast around me and I need to take a minute and step out of it to regain my ground. I need to put my feet back on solid ground and align my intuitions. There is the key. I can reach out and almost touch it. It is close. stretch my fingers out as long as they will go. I can almost reach it. It is that night where I put on my self doubt playlist (yes, I have one of those) and succomb and allow myself to sit in the cage. "My body is a cage..that keeps me from dancing with the one I love..but my mind holds the key."


When I get that feeling of depression, there is really only one place where I can lift my spirits...the mall. I was in desperate need of a little retail therapy. I think the reason there is so many holiday sales is for people like me who use shopping to cure the blues. Like Charlie at the Chocolate factory..I was doe eyed looking around at the holiday sales. Half off here...buy one get one free there. Shop temptation was all around. So I showed my girls how a new dress can make us all feel better. What did I get from this weekend? I realized that sometimes it is ok to doubt yourself and to be afraid of what the future holds....and a nice new red dress


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Dress/Belt/Scarf: The Limited
Boots: Cole Haan (TJ Maxx)
Bracelet: The Bahamas

2 comments:

  1. Very pretty dress! I hope it helped lift your spirits and that you have a very happy Thanksgiving.

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  2. You described the cage very well. Maybe I will try shopping next time. A new hair 'do helps me too.

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