Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Number 2

As in baby number two. I was on my way to the hospital to meet my new nephew the other day when an old feeling came knocking around in my head. It was something I had forgotten about that occurred approximately seven years and two months ago. It was the feeling I had when I was pregnant with baby number two. Actually, while Olivia in my belly turning cartwheels into my sciatic nerve, we would refer to her as number two. Layla was named more lovingly, Biscuit. I recall in about month seven this growing fear lingering faster than the little hairball growing inside of me. It was this concern....what if I didn't like her as much as baby 1? I mean in my mind, Layla was perfect. Her head was the right shape (large, but in a cute bowling ball kind of way), her hands were tiny and wrinkled and not too dry. Her eyes were the most amazing shade of bluish grey. And she was so good. She ate, slept and pooped...sometimes all at once. I took that kid everywhere. Layla would happily chew on a lemon while I socialized with old friends while eating dinner.  I sat in the yard, watching Layla swim in her Ralph Lauren nautical swim suit, the strap slightly pulling on her chubby little shoulder,  and I wondered what baby number 2 was going to be like. We all know how sequels work out.  Sure it sounds great in theory...the same same characters, new adventures, similar plot lines. Unless you are Ghostbusters 2..it is hard to live up to your predecessor.  So here I was sitting there, Layla splashing around in her little pool, trying hard not to think of the growing fear...what If I didn't like this second baby? The moment that Layla was born was almost magical. I looked at her with adoring eyes like a scene straight out of a movie (minus the part where my stomach goes right back to being flat). We just connected. What if I don't connect with baby 2? What if Baby 2 isn't as cute as Baby 1? Will Baby 2 look like Baby 1? Will Baby 2 act like Baby 1? I didn't really want to be thinking these things at all but the hormones and lack of sleep got the best of me.

So when I was headed to see my sister' Baby 2, the same feeling (minus the hormones) came creeping back. Technically, it isn't my baby...but being an Aunt has somehow transformed me into a child lover. Its like being a parent...except they actually like you..and vice versa. Your house is the place they want to go to. They run up and hug you when they see you and ask you if you lost ten pounds (well that part I imagine will happen in the future). Being an Aunt has that feeling like you are their parents because you know exactly how their parents were raised. You have no problem yelling at them or scolding them and you are equally excited as their Mom when they excel at something.  So when I got to go see this little second child..I thought about having Liv.

The most amazing thing about Olivia was how easy my labor was. Five hours from start to finish..and there she was. Unlike Layla, she came out screaming. Like she wanted the world to know she was here. She had scratched her little face. (she was probably bored from sitting in the same spot for nine months). She had all this hair..it was really dark and spiked in all different directions (kind of like my mom's hair in the eighties). Her eyes were crystal blue...and I really didn't know what to do with her. We had our moment...but it was a different moment.  She looked at me as if to say..I am in charge here..and I like it. (most of the time).  As I watch Olivia walk around in a circle around me...hoping I grow tired of here long sigh every time she passes and give her the computer to shop for Justice sweats...I cant help but to love her.  She is always challenging me...and entertaining me. (Olivia: I am baby number 2 so that means I didn't get to have a baby shower..only Layla..no fair).

On my way in to see my nephew for the first time, I thought about how much baby number 2 exceeded my expectations. I remembered how easy it was for a mother's heart to grow (I am like the grinch but better). And there may even be different kinds of love and appreciation for each child. So when I met my tiny little nephew..with his round head..spiky hair..when he opened his less than a day old eyes and looked at me...I immediately fell in love. (Olivia is making him  happy 0th Birthday ..welcome to the world card since he didn't get a shower either).

1 comment:

  1. Kristen, you keep outdoing yourself. Only Olivia would think to make a 0 birthday card. How cute.


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