Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Guilty

We were walking through K-Mart today...I was looking for some camping supplies and maybe that super cute looks like i spent a fortune on but found for a dollar beachy worthy accessory. What I wanted: a straw over-sized tote. something in a nice geometric or ikat print..that would find two towels, sunscreen, a sun hat and an oversized crime-i had no idea the whole time she was screwing the serial killer-novel. What I found: a turquoise and royal blue ikat print towel...a real steal at $3.I also bought a couple tiki torches for my broke gal's version of a custom right out of the anthropologie home boho cool patio. they fit right in with my solar outdoor lights...lanterns to follow. As I was carrying the torches..awkwardly i may add...Olivia looks at me
"careful" she says -all know it all like
 "I am..i wont drop them" i say to her wondering why she cares if I drop the torches. she is too young to really be embarrassed by me yet.
"I don't want you to drop them, like you let go of the princess balloon at grocery store....on my birthday" she said reminding me of the time that I accidentally let go of a princess balloon I bought her for her fifth birthday...a moment of weakness where her big blue eyes got the best of me.  Of course i took her right back in to buy another overpriced balloon....

"Really...you aren't going to ever let that go" I muttered

"What....I don't want you to loose it" she said....


Well sista, get in line...I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt my whole life. Must be that original sin thing...not sure. There is always this underlying feeling that someone thinks that I am doing something wrong. Whether it is a career choice, or a grocery store bag choice, there is always this second guessing going on. So Olivia throws another piece of gum to my already covered shoes of thought. Am I guilty of ....gasp...her personal traumas? Does she remember all the things I do wrong or the things I say that hurt her. now I feel guilty


stylin new towel. Kmart $2.99

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